We know that mindset is everything but how can you actually tweak your mindset for a happier life? Here are 3 ways that are tried and tested by me and the members of my Life Reboot Camp.
Climb into the other person’s skin
When I was 12 we read To Kill a Mockingbird at school and one of the quotes that has stuck with me, over 30 years later, is this one:
“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view … until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” – Atticus Finch.
And this is one of the best way’s to change your mindset into a happier one.
When your mum is driving you mad, climb inside her skin and try to understand where this behaviour is coming from. Is it coming from a place of fear, jealousy, anxiety?
When your other half keeps trying to solve your problems for you, climb inside his skin and try to see what’s going on. Is he trying to provide for you? Protect you?
When your boss is constantly on your case, pushing you for more / better, climb inside their skin to better understand why. Is it because they see great potential in you that they want you to realise?
This is something I teach the women I work with to do, in order to have better relationships with everyone around them and a more positive mindset. This is also a great way to start off forgiveness of someone who’s hurt you (that’s a whole other story / blog post).
Flip things around
Instead of complaining about how shitty it is that the rain has cancelled your picnic, have a carpet picnic instead! (Can you tell I’m a Brit who’s used to having rain-cancelled picnics?!?)
This mindset tweak is very much about finding the silver lining to your cloud, it’s about viewing the glass as half full, not half empty.
I recently put this into practice in my own life.
Last weekend it was Saint Sophie’s Day on the Saturday (a big deal for the French, and I’m married to a Frenchman, and lived in France for 12 years) then it was Mothers Day on the Sunday (well in Mauritius and France it was anyway). So strictly speaking the whole weekend should have been all about ME!
However Ben informed me a week or so before that he was going to be busy working all weekend, and that I was going to need to deal with our girls too.
I could have sulked, stamped my foot, shouted at him and been generally pissed off. Or I could have made other plans that made me happy.
Guess which one I chose?
I had a long think about what I fancied doing. And after several weeks of being a social butterfly I decided I wanted some quiet time at home. I wanted to laze in the back garden and read my book on a sun lounger. I wanted to have a pyjama day.
So that’s what I did.
Our kids played a bit and watched TV a bit. And I had a great time, without feeling in the slightest bit pissed off with Ben.
Next time you are upset by a situation or event that is out of your control flip it around and completely change that mindset. Where is the bright side? How can you find good in it?
Imagine the other person’s story
The next time a random stranger annoys you, imagine what their story is. Let me give you an example:
Someone cuts you up at the traffic lights. Your immediate reaction is “Arsehole!”, maybe you flip them the bird, maybe you rant about the driver to yourself / your passengers. Does that feel good? Do you feel better? Or do you now feel a bit angry? A bit wound up? A bit stressed?
How about instead you imagine this other person’s story?
The driver is rushing to the hospital with his wife who is in labour on the back seat.
The driver received some awful news this morning and her mind is elsewhere as she tries to deal with it.
This is a fun game that I play now when someone upsets me, I come up with reasons why they’re not a bad person, and I always walk / drive away feeling so much better.
In general people are not evil but sometimes we get caught up in our own lives that we don’t notice the impact we are having on those around us, meaning we sometimes hurt others without realising it.
So give those random strangers the benefit of the doubt and don’t carry that bitterness and anger around with you all day.
Do you have mindset tweaks that work for you?
Do you like these mindset changes of mine? Which ones are you going to start using? Or maybe you already use some of these suggestions. Share in the comments what you’re going to start using / what works for you already.
Remember lovely, you get to choose how you feel, don’t hand over that control to other people. Tweak your mindset and choose happy 🙂
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