Adulting is hard

When you’re a child you long to be an adult - to stay up late, to do what you want, eat what you want, go where you want, see who you want. Adults can do whatever they want!

Then you become an adult and you realise that adulting is so bloody hard.

There are constantly so many things to do, to think about.

There are so many people you need to worry about - your kids, your other half, your parents, your friends, your family, your family-in-law, neighbours, colleagues…

Then there are the causes to worry about - politics and who is running the country, global warming and the climate crisis, the C-word and pandemics, Brexit, the rising cost of living, homelessness, racism, homophobia, sexism, discrimination in a million and one different ways.

I sometimes think of when I was a child and my only worry was which friend to go and call for to play out on bikes.

But that’s rose-tinted.

Because when I got home from playing I had to eat food I didn’t like.

I had fights with my siblings.

I didn’t get to watch what I wanted on TV.

I had to switch off the light and go to sleep just as my book was getting good.

I had to go places I didn’t want to go, see people I didn’t want to see, and do school work that really didn’t interest me, or that I found hard.

When I was a child I longed to be an adult, and often as an adult I’ve longed to go back to the ease of being a child.

So is life just about always looking for and hoping for better?

And assuming and believing that others have it better than us? Easier than us?

It often is.

We say the grass is always greener, and I’m certain most of us believe that.

This is a photo of Ben with a 6 month old Clémence asleep on him - adulting felt very hard then

I have spent so many years of my life saying to myself “life will be better when…”.

The “when” always changed as I achieved things and life still felt like a struggle.

Life will be better when…

• I’m in a relationship
• I leave this shitty job
• I can afford my own car / a decent car
• I get my own place / a bigger place
• I’m earning a decent salary
• I finally get pregnant
• My baby sleeps through the night
• My toddler is potty trained
• I start my own business
• I get that promotion
• I lose that weight
• I move house

Even now I catch myself doing it. Which is absolutely ridiculous, when I see everything I have achieved and how incredible my life is.

If I’m not careful I find myself on a downward spiral of ALL the things that I need to be doing, and then I start wishing for something different, something better.

Because the list of things to do and worry about is never-ending…

• The cats need to go to the vet.
• I must check that my 9 year old really knows her times tables.
• Is my 15 year old doing ok?
• When am I going to find time to get my passport renewed?
• I’m worried about that family member or this friend.
• What’s going on with our water heater? Why won’t it work?
• I must remember to back up my photos.
• Are our wills and our life insurance details all up to date?
• Are we doing the right thing with our daughters’ schooling?
• How healthy is our water? Our food?
• Why are we here?
• Am I failing as a mum, as a human?
• I should be doing more to help others.

And that’s without a steady input of news and social media to drag me even further down.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again.

Adulting is hard. There is so much responsibility. So many decisions to make.

So I put one foot in front of the other.

I do the things I can do.

I tick things off my list BUT I make sure there is joy and fun in the mix too.

There are times when it can feel hard to get through the day.

So I just concentrate on getting through the next 5 minutes.

I have a toolbox of things to do when it all feels too much or too hard.

And when I’m struggling with adulting I remember the good times, the good things.

I savour all the wonderful things and people (and animals) I have in my life.

I do my best to live in the now.

To look at something in nature, to ground myself - the sky, the clouds, the sunshine, the rain, the plants. To appreciate its beauty.

To find gratitude in the good and lessons to learn from the bad.

I remember that perfection is impossible and try to stop myself from striving for it. (Not easy as I’m a recovering perfectionist.)

I share my failings and my weaknesses publicly, in the hope that others won’t feel so alone in their own failings and weaknesses.

I share tips and tricks and stories to help others who are struggling with adulting.

I teach a variety of ways to make adulting easier.

Because when we admit we are finding things hard, it makes it easier for others to open up and share, and to feel less alone in the struggle.

Are you finding adulting hard right now? If you are send me an email ([email protected]), or talk about it with someone.

Adulting is hard. Don’t suffer alone.

If you are struggling with the decision-making or overwhelm of adulting I’ve got a couple of freebies that might help you:

👉 FREE cheat sheet to kill overwhelm
👉 FREE decision-making guide

Look after yourself, and remember a problem shared is a problem halved 😊

Big love,
Sophie xx