There I’ve said it. And not just in my head.
I mentioned this recently to a close friend of mine and she was shocked that I should feel this way.
But you see pretty much all of us are feeling not good enough at one point or another.
I’m in a couple of online business groups and it never ceases to amaze me that these incredible women could also be crippled with self-doubt too.
I’m talking women who run their own successful 7 figure businesses. Women who others look up to for guidance and inspiration.
Which made me realise - we all go through the whole “I’m not good enough” negative self-talk at one point or another.
Maybe yours is “I’m not good enough at my job” or “I’m not a good enough mum” or “I’m not a good enough wife / daughter / friend / sister”.
For me it varies from day to day, but my most common ones are:
If my kids push my “Mummy Guilt” buttons then this feeling comes rushing in like a tidal wave.
I’ve been blogging since 2007 but this one still raises its ugly head from time to time. If I write and share a blog post that doesn’t get any / many likes or comments, then there is a voice in my head that screams at me “You’re Not Good Enough!”
Funnily enough every time this has happened a friend in real life will say to me soon afterwards “I loved your blog post on…” or “I forwarded your blog post about… to my sister”.
But it’s easy to see the lack of interaction as lack of interest or appreciation, and then the mind monkeys come out and have a field day.
I (like most mums I know) am busy. I have two kids, a husband, a business to run. And sometimes it’s easy to forget to drop a friend a line, or not have the energy to organise a get-together.
I know, because I’m guilty of this. And then I get the sinking feeling of “I’m not good enough” and “why on earth would this amazing person want to be friends with you?!?”
I hear the “I’m not good enough” refrain pretty much every day from the women I work with. The self-doubt and self-criticism that rears its ugly head.
So I wanted to group together what works for me to pull me out of an “I’m not good enough” funk.
Stop holding yourself up to unrealistic expectations. Just because you didn’t take a homemade cake for the school bake sale doesn’t mean you are not a good enough mum.
If your child has a roof over their head, knows they are loved and fed, and are educated, then you’re doing a pretty damn good job.
If you are doing your best in your relationship / at work / in your friendship then that’s already pretty bloody impressive.
You are enough if you are doing your best.
Do you think Bill Gates would be where he is today if he’d lost sleep over people saying Steve Jobs was better than him?
Will Ed Sheeran stop making music because Adele has sold more records than him? (Disclaimer: I don't know who's sold most records!)
Don’t ever think you’re not good enough because someone is doing it better than you. Use that person’s achievements to inspire you and to lift you up to do better and more yourself.
We are programmed to remember all the shit stuff that people say to and about us. How many compliments can you remember that people have paid you over the last month? Compare that to how many put-downs you can recall going back years?
We revisit the insults and go over them, like scabs that we pick over and over again.
Instead of doing this, shore up the compliments, the positivity, the good stuff that people say about you. Whether it’s your kids, colleagues, boss, clients, husband, parents, friends or a stranger who compliments you on your fab shoes!
How does a compliments board work?
Every time someone says someone nice about you write it down / screenshot it. Group these compliments together onto a big sheet of paper, and when it’s full put it up on your wall, someone where you’ll see it all the time (by your desk if you work from home / by your bed / on the fridge).
Whenever you get an “I’m not good enough” kick to the guts go and read your compliments board, and realise you are good enough, in fact you’re more than bloody enough!
Pay special attention to your self-talk. How many times do you say horrific things to yourself that you would never dream of saying to anyone, not even your worst enemy?
“You’re so fat! Lay off all the bloody cakes will you?!?”
“God, you’re so stupid! Of course that amazing company wouldn’t employ you!”
“Your husband had an affair? Well of course he did, who would want to have sex with you, you’re so ugly and boring?!?”
“Don’t even bother sending in a pitch for that new client, you’re so shit it would be such a waste of time.”
Would you ever DREAM of saving anything even like this to anyone else?
But you say it to yourself, day in, day out.
And that's a sure-fire way to guarantee the presence of the “I’m not good enough” devil on your shoulder. So put a cork in that voice in your head!
One last thought...
I know a huge amount of incredibly successful women, from all over the world. Women who are envied by so many people out there. And guess what? If they’re not going through an “I’m not good enough” crisis right now, you can be certain they have had to deal with it in the past.
Every one of these strong women has dealt with these demons at some point or another. It’s not just you feeling this way. So you’re in good company - you too can be that successful, strong woman.
In my Life Reboot Camp we work A LOT on self-esteem and self-confidence, in fact the whole of Module 1 deals with it, as it's so important for being happy and getting the best out of your life. If this sounds like something you need, do check it out or drop me a line to find out more.
Big love - and please be gentle with yourself today lovely,