It was going to be perfect. A two week family holiday to switch off and reconnect. Everything was planned down to the last meal, board game and walk.
Until the one thing I hadn't planned happened.
International travel is still tricky so August 2021 saw us taking another local holiday. But I can't really complain as we live on the tropical island of Mauritius and, even though this was the peak of winter, the weather was still preferable to a UK summer!
We booked the first week as a winter / mountain break in the hills of Chamarel. Our cottage was in the middle of nowhere, with a 360º view of nature and greenery all around.
The second week was a "summer" / beach break on the coast in Pointe aux Biches. Our apartment was right on the seafront and had the most stunning ocean views.
I had figured out meals, indoor games and outdoor games, places to visit, things to do.
I decided to go on a complete digital detox for the full two weeks and warned friends, family and...
There I’ve said it. And not just in my head.
I mentioned this recently to a close friend of mine and she was shocked that I should feel this way.
But you see pretty much all of us are feeling not good enough at one point or another.
I’m in a couple of online business groups and it never ceases to amaze me that these incredible women could also be crippled with self-doubt too.
I’m talking women who run their own successful 7 figure businesses. Women who others look up to for guidance and inspiration.
Which made me realise - we all go through the whole “I’m not good enough” negative self-talk at one point or another.
Maybe yours is “I’m not good enough at my job” or “I’m not a good enough mum” or “I’m not a good enough wife / daughter / friend / sister”.
For me it varies from day to day, but my most common ones are:
I physically shuddered as my 13 year old daughter's teacher accused me of bad parenting.
Because I told her I would rather my daughter failed academically than destroy her mental health by spending all her waking hours on school work.
Apparently I was not doing a good job at parenting because I refused to let my 13 year old (who is only in Year 9) spend 2-3 hours on homework every day.
Bearing in mind her school day starts at 6.50am when she leaves for the bus, and ends at 4pm when she gets home.
I set a top limit of 1.5 hours a day to maintain balance and avoid burnout.
Yet this makes me a bad parent.
(We have since changed our schooling set-up for our daughter as this was a recipe for breakdown.)
It still astounds me that we are in this situation with everything we know and have experienced over the last few years.
Suicides, burnouts, breakdowns, cutting, increase in alcohol and substance dependency, eating disorders and other mental health issues.
Why are we...
Thunder thighs. Chunky. Dumpy. Fat knees. Full of cellulite.
These are just some of the nasty things I or other people have said about my legs in the past.
Which led to me not wearing shorts for 10 years, despite living on the French Riviera for 4 of those years.
I was so wrapped up with feeling "less than" with regard to my legs that I chose to be uncomfortable and hot in alternative clothes rather than wear shorts.
That ended 3 months before my 40th birthday when we left London and moved to Mauritius, a tropical island where it is more or less summer all year round, and shorts are pretty much an obligatory wardrobe staple.
So after 10 years of no shorts, and at my legs' most wobbliest yet I started wearing shorts again.
Fast forward 5 years and I wear shorts most days without thinking about it now.
My legs have never looked "worse" in that middle age has drastically increased the cellulite to non-cellulite ratio, and serious wobble has set in, despite doing more sport now than...